To keep with the spirit of Christmas, I’ve done a new take on my blog this week. You will still get the same updates and happenings from the Abbott Govt., but just with a different theme. As I feel like I have been plunged into an alternate Dystopian Universe, since the election of this Govt, I’ve decided its a pretty apt setting for this week. Its my type of satire, I hope most of you enjoy it….(If you want to just read the weekly update, just scroll down past the story to the links (ya grinch!) )
A Very Coalition Christmas & The Wonderful Gifts They Gave Us
(A Christmas Tale set in Dystopian Abbotstraylia)
It was only ten days until Christmas. A type of mediocre Christmas Cheer filled the air. People were busily going about their day and then suddenly everyone stopped. They stopped eating, stopped working, stopped everything. Since the the dissolving of the old Senate and the laws passing through the new ‘tough laws’ committee headed by Dictator Newman of Newmansland; everyone knew it was in their best interest to immediately view any messages from their leader and assistant to the reigning Monarch. In a matter of seconds, millions of Phones in Abbotstraylia hummed and buzzed simultaneously with a new You Tube message from the country’s leader.
The video was panned all the way out and he was standing near his exquisite Christmas table, full of fine food, with his party seated in rows behind him, faithful smiling dutifully in the background (except for the education minister who was doing a weird thing with his nose). The speaker of the house wasn’t aware that they were now live to air. She interjected, “Order Order, I need to check the video….again! I want to make sure that Nick Champion isn’t gate crashing our party. I’ve kicked him out of OUR house so many times already!!! “SHHHHHH!!!” the foreign affairs minister said, “oh shush, I’m trying to out-stare the cameraman, please be quiet” she whispered indignantly, (all whilst remaining very focused, unblinking and with a slightly poised head tilt to the left).
Then out of nowhere, all was calm and all was quiet. They all returned to their conservative demure states. Only glancing ever so slightly out of the corner of their eyes to see a giant black clipboard and a pointing finger. The cameraman obviously taking directions from somewhere in the room, shakily zooms closer to the leader’s image. The Nation’s Leader, standing in an poise which was so overtly practised to show ‘calm, but dignified’, clasped his hands ever so gently in front of him, he coughed, blinked his eyes and licked his lips and begins….
“Umm Ahh First of all….Um…I’d like to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas. Ahh umm As you know, since our Governor General Howard agreed to dissolve the Senate and replaced them with the Ah “Big Ideas’ ,”Tough New Laws” and “Good Friends, Very Good Friends and Best Friends” Committees, we were able to Ah axe the tax and stop the boats by removing ourselves from that Ah messy charter the previous very bad Government signed. I must say this though, we have done our part for humanitarian aid, as our 457 visas have a massive take up for just $2.00 a day. We are proud to give jobs to so many people from countries of our good friends and best friends and BFF’s for Life friends.
We are also Ah very pleased that the take up of half price schooling for your children, has started to really pick up by linking this as a reward by the signing of individual contracts with the Bourgeoisie under ah um version 26 of Work Solutions.
The country is open for business and by Ah Umm next Christmas, I want to be excited to tell you that we will have achieved 50% employment. To encourage more women to stay at home, we have ah um discounted the paywall for Foxtel, our National Broadcaster by $100 per month. This is great news as more women staying home and doing the ironing, will free up the jobs for the real men of this country and will help turn around the mess we have been trying to clean up, left by the previous very bad Government. I just need to stress again, this was a very bad Government. As promised, as we are an open and transparent Government, unlike the previous very bad Government, I now turn behind me to the wonderful men and woman in blue ties to give you the following wonderful gifts to share with all of you” Once again, I wish you a safe and happy Christmas.
The camera then pans back out and the Nation’s leader sits amongst them, right in the middle. Its as if he is about to burst into “close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you..” but instead he pauses and takes a breath and smiles…
.“Thank you to everyone who voted Liberal and National in September 2013. Whether you are rich and elitist, or whether you have no clue you were rabble-roused and voted against your own interests, it doesn’t matter. I thank you for all these wonderful gifts we can give the nation. For without you Coalition voters, we wouldn’t be able to deliver any of this……”
- All these feminists and lefties trying to make ‘caring’ roles well paid. Well not anymore Liberal and National voters. Well done to you all! Childcare workers pay rise revoked by the Coalition Government.http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/childcare-workers-asked-to-hand-back-wage-rise-20131210-2z2pw.html
Ms Ellis said the government’s process was ”shambolic” and ”cruel” to child care workers before Christmas.
- Again with the feminists and lefties! If they care about people so much, most of it should come from the heart and not paid for and you can take that to the bank Liberal and National Voters – Aged Care Workers pay rise revoked by the Govt – http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-12/no-pay-rise-for-aged-care-workers-after-coalition-scraps-labor-/5153192
Whilst engaging in active rabble-rousing to convince you to think Unions are evil, we say things like this, “The aged care scheme was “unionism by stealth” (Assistant Minister for Employment Luke Hartsuyker)
- As you know Liberal and National Voters, we only like people who are are good friends, our very good friends, our best friends and our BFF 4 Life friends. Do BFFs tell tales on their BFFs? No, they do not! In the past, Salvation Army workers have blown the whistle on harsh conditions at both Manus and Nauru.
- So Liberal and National voters, the Salvation army no longer lending a hand on Manus and Nauru – Contract Cancelled.The immigration minister also does not need to tell you if anyone will replace them. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/13/salvation-army-humanitarian-work-on-manus-and-nauru-to-end
- I know Liberal and National voters the lefties rave on about ‘class divide’ but its like this, the coalition believe everyone is born equal and its up to you where you end up living The Government’s strategic review of the NBN, released on Thursday, actually delivers much less than what Malcolm Turnbull proposed when in opposition http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/computers/blogs/gadgets-on-the-go/hfc-suburbs-nbn-no-mans-land-20131213-2zb99.html
- All is good though Liberal and National Voters. We know that the people that didn’t vote for us always try to come back with ‘facts from experts’, so we have ensured our NBN panel of experts is suitably equipped to convince everyone that the NBN is no good for our nation Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull will appoint one of the fiercest critics of Labor’s national broadband network to his expert panel http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/malcolm-turnbull-to-include-labor-critic-on-nbn-panel-20131120-2xuqu.html#ixzz2nVjgPh8z
- Yes, coalition voters as your great leader stated in his address to the IPA “Alas, there is a new version of the great Australian silence – this time about the Western canon, the literature, the poetry, the music, the history and above all the faith without which our culture and our civilisation are unimaginable.” We understand that you understand we mean “If you aren’t white, its not alright” therefore, we have not only abolished the Ministry of Multicultural Affairs we have now gone one step further.
- The Coalition Government will scrap grants for multicultural community groups offered under the previous Labor government.http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2013/12/13/multicultural-grants-face-coalition-axing
- We don’t give a Gonski, and as Liberal and National Voters, It must be exciting not to Give a Gonski as well. As MJ used to sing “It don’t matter if you’re black or if you’re white” Indigenous education group’s funding cut by Abbott government http://www.smh.com.au/national/education/indigenous-education-groups-funding-cut-by-abbott-government-20131213-2zd5f.html#ixzz2nVq11MM0
“I particularly worry the quality of advice they’re now going to receive from experts will be diminished.” (The chairman of the First Peoples Education Advisory Group, Emeritus Professor Paul Hughes)
- As Liberal and National Voters you will be proud we don’t waste money on including people who aren’t ‘experts’ We have done a fine job here. Be proud! Aboriginal traditional owners have been left off a taskforce set up by the government to investigate a massive leak of uranium and acid at the Ranger mine in Kakadu National Park. http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/ranger-uranium-leak-taskforce-ignores-aboriginal-land-owners-20131213-2zb9r.html#ixzz2nVrZiEjf
- Nothing speaks Elitist like a BMW, you know that Liberal and National Voters. We are an elite breed, BMW is a great choice..Holdens are for Bogans….agreed? Tony Abbott considers swapping his Holdens for BMW http://www.theguardian.com/business/2013/dec/11/abbott-may-swap-holdens-for-bmws After all the brand Ambassador for BMW is none other than Bridget Abbott
- We know how Liberal and National Voters love the way we support cronyism, so we have some wonderful news.The Abbott government has appointed a former Howard Government minister and the daughter of Liberal Party founder Robert Menzies to the advisory council of Old Parliament House. http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/three-new-appointments-to-advisory-council-of-old-parliament-house-20131212-2zad4.html#ixzz2nVwvvBU1 Mr. Brandis knows all about arts, as we know how he loves books. He asked ABC Journalist, Barry Cassidy to step aside, because Dr. Kemp is well… a Tory and Ms. Henderson has written two books about her father’s Prime Ministership (Also a Tory)
- The biggest congratulations of all Liberal and National Voters is the win for the High Court on Marriage Equality. You all knew when you ticked 1 in that box for us, our stance on Marriage Equality. Please raise your glasses and toast each other for the pain and misery you have caused so many people in the last week
- The Prime Minister reiterated his opposition to legalising same-sex marriage in Australia and would not commit to a conscience vote for his MPs and senators if a bill came before the Federal Parliament.
Mr Abbott said the High Court decision was ”disappointing” for couples who wed in Canberra at the weekend under the ACT’s now defunct same-sex marriage laws, but that they knew the risks of the pending court action by his government.
NB: Please see another blog this week, which covers discrimination due to the current marriage laws, amongst other areas of discrimination: – An Open Letter to the Prime Minister and Minister for Women.
That was the week that was 8 – 14 December 2013. Anyway enjoy your week-end coalition voters. Absolutely amazing effort this week. Don’t drink too much, you need to stand proud and all that…Cheers. See you next week.
Although my Christmas Story is set in a Dystopian era, my view is that if people are not engaged and do not understand who and what they are voting for, this Dystopia could become a dreadful reality…
Think Before you Vote. Join a political party like the ALP or Greens or other left-wing/progressive parties. Get Active. Get Engaged. Discuss issues with family and friends. Share information on Social Media. Join Get Up! Read a wide range of news media. Work hard to prevent right-wing Governments like the Liberal-National Coalition destroying our great country, embarrassing us on the world stage and instilling great hardship on our loved ones, friends and neighbours and on our communities. You CAN make a difference!